I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
