he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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