I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Barsexuality is the new black.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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