why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
