becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
