Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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