brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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