He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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