i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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