its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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