Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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