I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
