This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
