she was so not down for the gang bang
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
