Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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