I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
