and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
