he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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