went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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