alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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