I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
