He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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