somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
