My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
