i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
