He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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