Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish you could order shots online.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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