Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
