I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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