Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
