Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
