That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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