For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
