Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
