My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize