What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
