he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
