Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
