If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We got so high we made milksteak
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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