my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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