I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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