Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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