I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
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Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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