I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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