so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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