You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
