just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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