Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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