i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
