I've blown a few things in my day
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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