Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
