you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
