Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
