Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
