after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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