He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
