Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
