I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
