I think my vagina is haunted
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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