Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
