quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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