The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
