My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
