Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
