Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
