Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
