What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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