I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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