After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
