i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
