we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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