you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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