I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
