nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
