at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
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How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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