i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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